We have to make countless decisions every day. Every action we take is a decision to not take another. Whether it’s to get up early or late? Have porridge or toast for breakfast? Go for a walk or sit and watch TV? Look for another job or stay in a job? Move house or not? Our lives are shaped by the decisions we make!
Every day, we make hundreds of decisions. Whether small or large our decisions can change the way we live the rest of our lives.
When we decide to watch TV, we are deciding to take time away from whatever we dream of doing. Maybe it’s to start a business, lose weight, or learn a new language. Whatever it is, you are taking time away from your dreams if you decide not to take action towards them.
If you decide that you are someone that gets up early every morning, you have decided that’s the type of person you are. Even if you have a very late night and the alarm goes off early you have already decided what type of person you are and you do not sway you from your decision.
Some people live their life without making any real decisions. They are like a piece of driftwood in the ocean, floating to wherever the current brings them. Therefore they end up with whatever direction the environment throws at them.
No one becomes overweight overnight, if you decided to over eat today, you won’t be overweight tomorrow. If you decide to over eat tomorrow, you still won’t be overweight the day after. But if you decide to over eat day, after day, after day. It’s hard not to become overweight over time.
We can’t completely control how our decisions affect the outcome. What we can control is the decisions we make on a regular basis as that is what truly shapes our lives.
Making the decision to see a hypnotherapist could help you with the issues you are dealing with. It could be a decision that will shape the rest of your life.
What are you going to decide today that will shape your future?
Are you struggling with what is going on around you?
Do you find the changes in our world and the new 'normal' difficult to cope with?
Are you finding that you feel stressed and anxious a lot of the time?
The issue is that it's impossible to have control over your environment and therefore the more you try the harder life seems to get.
The easier route to a calmer, happier you is to make the changes you need inside your head.
Hypnotherapy is an amazing tool to make the shifts you need in your mindset to cope with everyday life, feel more confident and improve your self-esteem.
If you would like to discuss how hypnotherapy can help you please either call me on 07875 652338 or email me on firstname.lastname@example.org
Whether you realise it or not, each day you set the standard for how other people treat you!
You may not be consciously aware of this, most of us aren’t, but nevertheless, the standards you have established serve as guidelines for how you are treated in life. To most of us this may come as quite a surprise, but whether or not you’ve intentionally defined standards for what is (or is not) acceptable in your life, you nevertheless have them. Furthermore they are communicated to the world around you on a regular basis.
It is human nature to focus on the poor behaviour of other people for our problems, so the point needs to be made that teaching people how to treat you, begins with you, not them.
It is important to remember the way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. For example; if you are always putting the interests and well-being of others first it might make you feel significant and wanted, however it teaches the people around you that your needs aren’t as important as theirs.
If you want to generate change that is meaningful and sustainable, you need to first recognise how your own behaviour contributes to the way others treat you. You can’t teach people how to treat you if you haven’t taken the time to clarify your standards for your life. You are responsible for communicating your standards clearly and respectfully, however you are not accountable for how others receive or interpret it, nor for how they feel as a result.
Create a plan of action for what will happen when your boundaries are crossed. Gently let people know when you feel your boundaries are not being respected. Most people will mean no harm, and may simply be used to behaving in a certain way and are unaware of the impact their actions are having on you and other people around them.
There are going to be people who test your efforts and a few who will outright ignore your requests. Before assuming the other person is disrespecting your boundary, step back and be really honest with yourself about how you communicated your standard in the first place. Were you clear, or was your message left vague in the hope they would just somehow get it so you could avoid the discomfort of being up front?
The important thing is not to let it continue because they will see it as a sign you don’t take your own boundary seriously. This is where you need to have clearly defined consequences and be prepared to follow through.
Taking responsibility for defining the life you want to live and teaching others what is acceptable behaviour toward you is the ultimate exercise being treated the way you want to be treated. It’s about living your life with full intention; making smart choices and exercising your personal power and authority to achieve greater freedom, happiness, and long-term life happiness.
In the beginning, it’s going to be tempting to revert to old behaviours, however keep reminding yourself that there’s a big difference between being accommodating and not respecting who you are.
We are all getting used to a more virtual world due to Covid 19. The good news is hypnotherapy can be provided online. It’s convenient, easy to access and just as effective as working face to face.
We are all now becoming more accustomed to meeting people online via applications like Zoom, Skype or FaceTime. Recently, I have been seeing all my clients online for their hypnotherapy sessions.
I have been asked if online hypnotherapy is as effective as face to face hypnotherapy? Also if hypnosis works online? Well, I can tell you from experience that my answer to both these questions is yes!
Here are the top five questions I have been asked about online hypnotherapy, which you may find useful if you are thinking about hypnotherapy.
1. What is online hypnotherapy exactly?
Online hypnotherapy is a safe and convenient alternative to face to face sessions. It is just as effective and follows the same structured approach. It’s very useful due to the restrictions of Covid 19. It is also useful if you are restricted by time, location, or medical conditions, therefore making it accessible to all.
2. Is online hypnotherapy as effective as face to face hypnotherapy?
Absolutely. Online hypnotherapy is just as effective, there is no difference. Some people find they are more relaxed and comfortable when they are in their own home, which can only add to the positive outcome as we work together.
3. Can hypnosis really be done online?
Hypnosis doesn’t rely on having a therapist in the room with you. We all go in and out of a hypnotic state, also known as ‘trance state’ several times a day. For example, watching a good film or reading a book, and we find we completely lose track of time. A trance state is a very natural and safe state where you’ll remain in complete control and can be easily achieved as long as you hear the hypnotherapist’s voice.
4. How does hypnotherapy work on Zoom?
Using Zoom for virtual hypnotherapy sessions couldn’t be easier. You will need a reliable internet connection and a quiet, comfortable place to relax where you will not be disturbed. Once we have agreed a time for your session, I will send you a unique link for each session which is safe and secure and only you will have access to it. You can use a laptop (with a camera), tablet or phone to join your session. All you need to do is place your device in front of you so I can see your upper body and face. I will then guide you into ‘hypnosis’, a state of focused attention where your mind is more responsive to positive suggestions.
5. How do I know online hypnotherapy will work for me?
Online hypnotherapy is just as effective as face to face therapy. It’s important that you choose the right therapist for you, someone you feel comfortable talking to and trust. This is why I offer a free initial consultation online which gives you an opportunity to meet me and ask any questions you many have. If you really have a desire for change then hypnotherapy online can help you get from where you are to where you want to be.
Hypnotherapy can help you with so many issues that you are trying to deal and cope with; anxiety, stress, weight loss, phobias, smoking cessation, confidence and self-esteem, past events that you find hard to let go of. You do not have to feel the way you do, we can work together to help you feel the way you want to. If you’d like to have a free, no obligation initial consultation to explore if hypnotherapy with myself is a good fit for you, please contact me.
At the moment and over the last few months most people’s lives have been an uphill struggle. This is mainly because our everyday lives have had to change so drastically. We have had to adapt to deal with being furloughed, home schooling, isolation, not being able to see and hold our loved ones, queuing for our food shopping etc…
As we are creatures of habit and let's face it, we took our lives for granted, this has pushed us way out of our comfort zones. Also all these changes and the constant bombardment about covid 19 in the media has been stressful and worrying for most people. However we can adapt and change, we are stronger than we think, we have had time to actually think about what we really want in our lives.
So many of us have managed to live without all the extra material things we constantly brought to make us feel ‘happy' and to keep up with our peers. Yes life has been difficult, but it has been simpler at the same time. We have managed to spend more time with our immediate family, which is what most children want more than anything. We have used technology to contact family and friends, and in a lot of circumstances spoken to friends whom we have not been in contact with for a while. We have actually had time to talk, listen and catch up via Zoom, Skype or phone.
However for a lot of people on the frontline; doctors, nurses, care workers, ambulance drives, emergency services, shop workers, transport workers etc their uphill struggle has been very different. With some not seeing their family for weeks to protect them, working long hours, facing their fears about the virus and doing it anyway. They have had a very steep uphill struggle.
As the saying goes ‘we are in the same storm, but we are all in different boats!’ Let’s hope the storm will start to move away and we can get to the top of the hill and take in the wonderful views. After all the changes we have had to go through we will see our view very differently, we will not take everyday life for granted, we will see that happiness is from inside us and not what we can have or buy. We will love the people in our lives more and tell them how much they mean to us.
Just think what your life will look like if we take on board all the lessons over the last few months and see more clearly the view from the top of the hill!
Everything is possible if you try and you keep working at it!
Many people say things are ‘impossible’. However when you really think about it you can see that almost anything is possible.
There is always a way to make things work if you work at it and keep trying. Things can be possible if we really want them to be possible and make the time for them. Life is all about making priorities and making time for those priorities.
I know sometimes things feel like they are impossible. You either do not know where to start, or have tried everything you can think of and you haven’t managed to work it out.
The main thing to remember is every failure is just another way of finding out how not to do something and a step closure to finding how to make it possible.
Sometimes we have to help people out or ask for help when things seem impossible so that we make things possible. Next time ask for help when something seems impossible and try to figure out how to make it possible together. That might mean just talking it through or it might mean you need to help each other take action.
Life is what you make of it so what are you going to make possible today?
So many of my clients talk to me about how they suffer with low self esteem and self worth. They feel they are not good enough and believe the people around them are doing so much better than they are, which makes them feel like a failure. Unfortunately this is only fuelled by social media, as they see perfect snapshots of the people they know living this ‘amazing life’. However the snapshots do not show the parents arguing or the child having a meltdown or how stressed they were before the photo was taken. It also doesn’t tell you how much debt they are in or the state of their marriage or how unhappy or sad they are. All it shows is a moment that looks like they are all having an amazing time! If you are not feeling good about yourself or life is difficult at the moment these images just increase your feelings of low self esteem and self worth. Social media is not the place to go if you want to feel better about yourself and your life!
The good news is there is a way you can become the person you've always dreamed of being. And you can start right now, as the place to go to improve your self esteem and self worth is your mind! The secret to building lasting confidence in yourself is to focus on your beliefs; which is easier than you think it is. Our beliefs affect every aspect of our life. They're the basis for our thoughts, our actions, and our level of self esteem and worth. They are the stories we tell ourselves about who we believe we are. How you perceive yourself and your abilities will determine the quality of your life. For example, if you believe you're not worthy of success, you'll shy away from opportunities that present themselves, and sabotage your efforts. The same is true in your personal life. If you don't feel you deserve the love and admiration of someone special in your life, you'll end up attracting the opposite.
The consequence of these types of actions is that you feel you have 'proof' of your inadequacy and a reason for your low self esteem. It's a vicious cycle that keeping going around and around. The key to stopping the cycle is learning how to build self esteem and tackling these beliefs at their very core. You have to destroy the limiting beliefs holding you back, and develop an empowering new belief system.
The difficulty normally lies in getting to these buried beliefs. They're often subconscious and hidden from our everyday thoughts. The key is to not over think the process and allow your brain to bring them out naturally. To do this, you simply need to listen to the story you are telling yourself that is preventing you from acting in a certain way. For example if you are holding yourself back from being more confident, listen to the story you are telling yourself. For example, you may be saying that you are a shy person. Look back to when you first believed this, who told you this etc. If this was a belief when you were a small child, remember you are not a child anymore and you are confident in some situations. Then look for evidence when you were not shy. Use this evidence to break down your old belief and change your belief to ‘you are a confident person’ and keep thinking about all the evidence when you have been confident to strengthen your new belief.
This doesn't have to be a time consuming process either. A few minutes of reflection each day can lead to amazing transformations in your thoughts and beliefs. You can accomplish this through listening to your inner voice, meditation, journaling, or doing exercises which will help develop your new beliefs and show you how to build self esteem.
‘It's not who you are that holds you back. It who you think you are not.’
If you would like help to work on building your self esteem and changing your beliefs, please contact me to arrange a free 30 minute consultation.
Even people who consider themselves confident have moments where they doubt themselves. They feel unsure of their abilities or fear taking risks for the things they want. The reality is that most people struggle with confidence at some point in their lives. While it may seem like an innate trait for some, confidence is something that can be developed if worked at.
If you wanted to run a marathon, you wouldn’t just lace up your shoes and show up on race day ready to win. You would have put in hundreds of hours of training to get to the point where you could complete the race. When building self-confidence, it requires practice, repetition and positive habits. It won’t happen overnight, however you can build your confidence to help you achieve whatever it is that you want.
Many people experience that knowing sensation in their gut when their self-doubt starts creeping in. Self-doubt’s job is to protect you from pain or failure. It will sound the alarms whenever you are about to take a perceived risk, put yourself out there or do something you’ve never done before. When you listen to the self-doubt more than you believe in yourself, you can get stuck in a pit of fear, worry and inaction.
How can you build a strong sense of self-confidence? What habits can you adopt that will help you feel empowered and capable in any situation? If you are ready to fully embrace the wonder of who you truly are, you can start by building your self-confidence.
Here are a few tips, exercises and habits that you can use to build confidence and boost your self-esteem.
Visualisation: If you can see it, you can be it. Think about what your perfect vision of success looks like. See it in your mind and include every sensory detail to make it as real as possible. Visualisation uses the power of your mind to create the version of yourself that you want.
Positive Self-Affirmations: The words that we use have power. When we talk down to ourselves, we are reaffirming our insecurities and strengthening our self-doubt. By using positive affirmations, we can begin to change the way we think and feel about ourselves.
Challenging your assumptions: Many of us have a script that we have been using for years that tells us that we aren’t good or enough or whatever it is we are insecure about. Have you ever taken a moment to challenge your scripts? The next time you hear yourself say you can’t or shouldn’t do something, ask yourself if that is really true.
Feel the fear and do it anyway: Sometimes, the best way to deal with fear is to just do it! Taking yourself outside of your comfort zone every day helps your mind feel not so fearful. It doesn’t have to be big, because small things can add up to big results. Sure, feeling uncomfortable doesn’t feel comfortable! However the more you expose yourself to discomfort, the easier it becomes to handle the feeling in the future.
Set yourself up for success: When you set impossible goals for yourself, are you really surprised when you don’t achieve them? Allow yourself to build confidence by setting small, more achievable goals at first. These wins will help you build momentum for your larger and more challenging goals.
There are also simple ways you can build your confidence externally that will help you improve your confidence internally. Try a few of these this week and notice how it changes your perception of yourself.
How will you boost your confidence this week?
We are going through unprecedented times and the world is not the same place as it used to be! We are all having to adapt the way we live, way beyond what we could have ever imagined. Not being able to see and hold our loved ones that do not live with us or go out when we want to. Our elderly relatives, of whom a lot live on their own not being able to leave their homes or have visitors. Not being able to go to work, struggling to pay our bills, schooling our children from home and having to queue to get into our supermarkets. Things we previously all took for granted!
Life has just got more stressful and worrying for everyone. We have a lot more time on our hands to think and are consistently being updated with awful news on how the coronavirus is taking peoples lives and changing the way we live here and around the world.
The people I have spoken to say they are constantly in a state of anxiety and keep worrying about what the future will be like in a month, six months and in a years time. Their focus is on what is happening and what they are now unable to do. Their emotions are on such high alert they are finding it hard to function and due to this their mental health is suffering.
We are all struggling without our normal routines, we are finding it hard to just have the motivation to do basic everyday stuff. We are also not surrounded by the things that give us our identity; our roles in life, our hobbies, our loved ones and the things we normally buy and do!
Due to the challenges we are all facing I have come up with 5 tips that can help you cope. By refocusing your mind and dealing with what you can control, these tips can help you feel calmer and able to see what you have in your life.
Tip 1 - Exercise. I know you may not feel like exercising, however it is so important for your physical and mental welfare. This is why the government has allowed us all to get outside and exercise once a day. Exercise is a natural and effective anti-anxiety treatment. It relieves tension and stress, boosts physical and mental energy and enhances well-being through the release of endorphins. Anything that gets you moving can help, even if you start with just a 10 minute walk. You can then build up from there, the main thing is to be outside and moving. Try to notice the sensations around you, the rhythm of your breathing, the warmth of the sun and the feeling of the breeze on your skin. By adding this mindfulness element and really focusing on your body and how it feels as you exercise, you’ll not only improve your physical condition faster, you may also be able to interrupt the flow of the constant worry running through your mind.
Tip 2 - Routine. Most of us have lost our normal routine in life and we are feeling lost. The days become the same and you do not feel like doing anything, you may also not feel that you are in control of your life now. A daily plan will give you back focus and control. It takes little time and effort to draw out a weekly plan, splitting each day into hourly chunks. Also along with your weekly plan write a list of things you would like to get done. Then start setting up your new plan, by adding when you are going to get up, and go to bed. Then add when you are going to exercise, when you are going to do something on your to do list, when you want to call, zoom or FaceTime friends and relatives. You can also look at setting time aside to learning something new, reading a self improvement book or do an online course. Another important thing to add is a couple half hour slots each day to meditate or listen to some hypnosis. By having a routine it will give you stability and normality. It will also give you a sense of achievement by ticking off what you have completed on your to do list.
Tip 3 - Connection. With us being in lockdown and most people having to stay at home unless it’s essential or daily exercise, our lives have become less connected and it can be very lonely. However before the coronavirus our normal lives were a lot more hectic and we were all rushing around trying to get everything done! Therefore take this time to really connect with your friends and relatives. Even reconnect with people you have not spoken to in years. With technology like Zoom, FaceTime, WhatsApp, we can see who we are talking to and even talk to a group of friends and relatives. Also take this time to call an elderly friend or relative, you will be amazed what joy you will bring to their day and in return it will make you feel like you have made a real difference to someones life.
Tip 4 - Meditation & hypnosis. In everyday life our minds can be fearful and uncertain about what life has for us around the corner. At the moment our minds are full of fear and what life will be like going forward with the coronavirus. Meditation and hypnosis is beneficial at any time, and especially now. As it helps us to relax and allow the mind to just be, as it reduces stress, controls anxiety, enhances self awareness and improves sleep. Taking time out twice a day, preferably first thing in the morning and in the evening will give your mind timeout, allowing you to stop and wind down from what you were doing and thinking about. If you haven’t meditated or used hypnosis before it might take you time to relax. It takes time to practice being relaxed and not focusing on all the internal chatter that is going on in your mind. I promise you if you listen to either my free hypnosis audio* or a guided mediation you will feel less anxious and not so stressed.
Tip 5 - Your focus. Where your focus goes your energy flows! I know there is a lot of scary news at the moment and so many people have lost their lives throughout the world. However you have to put this into perspective. This is not forever, it will pass. Each year over 1.4 million people die in a car accident and 18 million people die of heart disease. Despite these figures, the news and everything we do normally is not focused on these deaths. Therefore we do not see them as a big threat to ourselves day to day. I know this virus is contagious and we have to protect ourselves and not overburden the healthcare service. Just remember what you focus on becomes your life. Also that nothing has a meaning until you give it a meaning. Therefore be careful what you let into your mind and the meaning you give it. I’m not saying do not listen to the news and I’m definitely not saying you should ignore the governments advice. However if you sit in front of the TV listening to everything that is going on in the world and listen to everyones opinion on how the world is going to cope with this, you just fuel your anxiety and stress levels. If you are going to watch TV, watch a good film or a comedian to put you in a happier and more relaxed mood. The best thing is to focus on everything you can do! Ok you can’t go out, but how long have you wanted to tidy that cupboard under the stairs or your kids bedrooms? How often have you mentioned a list of things you would do if you had the time! Well, you have more time now! Don’t waste this valuable time at home, do the things you have always wanted to get done in the house.
Take this difficult time and turn it into a personal triumph. You have time to go for a walk or cycle and do one of the many PT sessions on YouTube to get fit. Don’t just sit around doing nothing, getting up late and not even washing your hair. This is another day of your precious life, so make the most of it. Get yourself a new routine, one that you can be proud of and work through. I know that some of you reading this are thinking that you are not up to doing this and you are feeling anxious and tired. All I can say is ‘how is your routine working for you now’? If you carry on doing the same things you will get the same results. Take action and get into a routine, you will not look back. Get connected with friends and relatives, you are not alone even if physically you are! People out there would love to hear from you and you can reconnect with people you haven’t spoken to for years. Start meditating or listening to hypnosis, your mind will thank you for doing so! Just remember it isn’t something you just do once and say it was ok, but didn’t really work for you. This is something you need to do daily. Finally, you are what you choose to focus on. Ok we are in a very uncertain time, but as I said this will not last forever. Look after you and your loved ones, do everything you can to keep safe and well. Focus on you being the best you can be physically and mentally.
*for your free relaxation hypnosis audio go to www.desireforchange.co.uk
I've been a full time hypnotherapist and mind coach for over 10 years. My unique approach to therapy is client centred and I aim to educate and empower my clients to enable them to make positive choices and changes in their lives.